it struck me today that i barely leave the house on my own amymore. i go to work. i come home. that's pretty much it. when people ask me what's new, i don't have an answer. because there isn't anything. nothing. i can't even bring myself to go to the grocery store alone. i've spent the last two days sitting in the house, watching tv. even that's half-hearted. i've lost interest in doing anything that used to be fun. i want to go to the library and get some new books to read, but the thought of leaving the house fills me with such dread. it's not even that i can conjure up some horrifying possibilities. i just don't want to leave my nest. there's nothing to cook in the fridge. i've got tons of vintage cook books that are aching to be experimented with. and i can't bring myself to fucking go buy groceries. there's laundry to fold, movies to watch, people to interact with, and i just can't fucking do it. i paid the gas bill online today and felt like i'd made some huge step. what the fuck?! and i don't even feel like doing anything to remedy this. i'm a joke right now.
and this helps. at least putting this all out here makes me want to take a shower. so that maybe, just maybe i wont be able to use that as my excuse to sit alone in here all day.
so, i'll do that. and then we'll see what happens.